I’m getting out of control. My brain is explosive every second of the day. I can’t seem to control my emotions anymore like I used. I hate this feeling of vulneralbility. I wreak of failure, yet I know what I can accomplish. Something isn’t letting me be. I don’t know what it is. My body tingles as if I were to die and as if I need to hurry up and get what I want and desire in life. Maybe that gut feeling I’ve had for years that I’ll be dying young is coming sooner than I know. I cry more than twice everyday. Not just simple water works, but I cry with feeling the kind of breakdown where your weakness gets to you and your strong point is no longer there. I’m sorry to lay all this on you. I just feel like you really do understand.

You know those people that just hide everything they feel, those that ignore their feelings, the ones that really don't know how to handle situations? Those people make me sad. I know there are some thing you should really keep to yourself and not say anything, but aren't we the generation of acceptance. Shouldn't speaking louder and louder every-time we do. It doesn't seem right to me for you to be saying all these things. For example all that you believe is nothing you really do.

Anyway, some friends and I headed to Disneyland on Saturday. I really wanted to go because it was Gay Day and honestly, there was nothing special about it just a bunch of gays wearing red. Hmm..

So much to say and so many thoughts. Why am I so afraid to speak my mind. I feel as if we did this all over again and he broke my heart again. The difference is we did this in a day. I'm really tired of waiting, but I guess waiting is worth it most of the time. Either that or I should really get used to being with myself.

I expect a lot out of people, but I expect way more out of myself.
Even though when people see the positive in me all I see is errors and wanting improvement.
What kills me the most if really myself.
I don't depend on myself to do things. Sad to say, but i depend on others to make me happy.
Its hard to know that not everybody, or at least the people you expect to be there are actually going to be gone.


LONG STORY SHORT.

Me, Myself, & I.